Single and Thriving: How Relationship Coaching Can Help
Benefits of relationship coaching for singles
Relationship coaching is a professional service that helps individuals achieve their personal and relationship goals. But how can it benefit you if you are single?
Past: Relationship coaching is valuable for singles seeking to understand their past relationship or dating patterns. It helps set boundaries, challenges self-limiting beliefs, and transforms deeply embedded narratives.
Present: It assists in determining whether you genuinely desire a relationship and if you're ready for one. A coach can boost your confidence levels, positioning you to attract the partner you deserve.
Future: A relationship coach helps map out your ideal partner, navigate dating apps, explore new ways to meet people, and encourages a forward-looking, optimistic mindset.
How long should we leave it before dating again?
The most important thing is to be happy with yourself before you start dating again. It sounds like a cliche but it's so true. We sometimes look to other people to heal us but strength comes from within. Sometimes you may already be there when you break up with someone, other times it can take years before dating again.
If you are leaving a particularly negative relationship, jumping into another one immediately can lead you to repeating the same patterns and looking for the same behaviour in a partner.
When you start dating again you want to be in a position to decide if the other person right for you. Rather than spending time wondering if they are into you, you want to be able to decide if you really like them!
Should I ditch the dating apps?
People are ditching dating apps because it can be easier for people to behave badly on them. According to Bumble, over 50% of women have recieved an unsolicited image in the last year. Ghosting is also common practice and it’s easier to be instantly dismissive of people based on physical appearance like height, which alone doesn’t constitute a successful long term relationship.
Dating apps as they can drip away at confidence levels, and while they may open up a wider net of potential partners, they can often be filled with bad catches. I often advise clients to take a break from apps as they are always-on and instead tell them to invest in doing things they like and focus on themselves.
People are feeling nostalgic for face to face interactions post covid. Shared interests hobbies like joining a running club or talking part in a guided walking tour can allow people to focus on themselves and their own hobbies, making people feel whole, as well as opening up opportunities to meet a potential partner. Meeting others through friends gives some level of reassurance that someone has been vetted to a degree. And being back in the office means that workplace romances are back on the horizon.
What kind of exercises will I do with a coach?
You will be doing a lot of talking in coaching sessions in the UK. In coaching sessions, you'll engage in meaningful conversations, guided by the coach's questions, helping you come to your own conclusions unlike well-meaning friends who can jump into conversations and give you their own solutions. As coaches we believe humans are whole and have answers within them, they sometimes just need help drawing them out. You will get time and space to think about what you really want. Some of the exercises we might try are:
Values definition
Write down a list of your top 10 values in life. Take them and cut them down to the three most important values. These are your non-negotiables and will be the ones you look for in relationships or expect others to respect in you.
Write a letter
Write down what you’d like in a future partner or relationship. This helps define the parameters of relationships and the behaviours you are looking for. When you meet your new partner, a bit further down the line, you can show them the letter.
Rewire your story
Sometimes we can be very cruel to ourselves and tell ourselves false narratives e.g ‘I’ll never meet a partner’. What narratives do you tell yourself? And when did they start? A life coach can help you unpick deep rooted beliefs and help you start to challenge them.
Positive affirmations
You might like to try to create a vision board or scribble on sticky notes some affirmations. Make them visible on your desk or bathroom mirror and repeat them to yourself. This can be as simple as ‘I will have healthy relationships’. These can help rewire unhelpful beliefs.
Next steps
Parts of this article originally appeared in my post for Sevenoaks Mums. Read more about the benefits of relationship coaching for singles here.
